"Pretentious Green Ass," eh?

I love how people try to come up with derogatory words about other people to make themselves feel better. Let's start off with an oldie but goodie - bleeding heart liberal. Caring about people, trying to make life better for the general population, fighting for civil rights, reaching out a hand to those who are down, and other various "liberal" ideals apparently make your heart bleed. Okay. I don't know about bleed exactly, but it certainly does make my heart hurt to hear about families who have to tell their children that the government doesn't think their family is legitimate, so they won't be legally married anymore. It makes my heart hurt to know that in 22 years, the minimum wage hasn't even increased $4, and that there are people trying to live off that wage. It makes my heart hurt to know that there are too many families who have to choose to feed their children or get them medical attention. Maybe that makes me a "bleeding heart liberal." So be it.

My favorite slam is "breastfeeding nazi." As far as I know, the Nazis were a group of people who were responsible for the forced relocation, torture, and murder of millions of Jews, Gypsies, and various other individuals. They also kidnapped "perfect" children and turned them into Stepford children who were meant to participate in "breeding programs." As a former La Leche League leader, I am familiar with many, many breastfeeding women - most of whom are passionate about breastfeeding. And yet, I've not known a single one of them go use a baby for target practice. Instead, I know women who are educated and want to spread the word about breastfeeding because it's healthy and formula feeding puts children's health at risk. To me, that seems to be the opposite of what the Nazis stands for. But hey, I wasn't even alive during the Holocaust - what do I know?

The latest "I'm going to slam you, so I can feel good about myself" euphemism is "pretentious green ass." You know, that's reserved for those of us who try to do as much as we can to live "green" and are continually trying to improve in that area. I'm sure there are people in the world who will stand behind someone and say, "Do you really think that canvas bags is going to help much when you fill it full of boxes of processed crap?" Sure. Somewhere in the world that person exists - good luck finding him/her. As a "grungy, tie dye sporting hippie" (and um, no - I'm not smelly - thank you very much Mr. Merchant), I would have to say that it is much more likely to find a condescending person trying to hide their own ignorance and disconnect. Again, maybe that's just me. I proudly live in a bubble of amazing, non-smelly hippies. Perhaps my sampling is too small. Oh well. Go ahead Mr. Merchant - if you are so insecure that you must put others down to feel good about your giant size footprint on the Earth - don't let me stop you. Actually, "pretentious green ass" has a nice ring to it. I might have it put on a t-shirt. Or maybe a bumper sticker....